I missed a my blogging day yesterday. I am not sure how many noticed. I was having a very hard day dealing with my anxiety & just didn’t feel like writing. I’m here to be honest. Today is a new day and so here I am trying to find my way in the world.
As I sit her with my head filled with random worries I wonder how other women make this Mom thing look soooo easy. I feel like so many have all their proverbial ducks in a row. Their house is clean, their children are fed, clean, thriving, groceries bought with out having to check the bank to see if there is even enough money to buy any food after paying bills. Of course the bills are always paid on time
and there is even extra fun money to do with what you really want to do. Of course now at almost 5 p.m. dinner is prepped and cooking on the stove. I don’t know about you but I don’t think all that has fallen perfectly into place on any single day in my adult life. Most of my days are just shy of a hot mess. Because if you are me, you are the lady that has had that horrifically awkward moment when you did forget to check the bank account. But you go to the store and fill an entire cart full of groceries. Once finished you load all your things onto the conveyer belt. Then the sweet cashier finishes swiping all your food & she tells you your total. But when you swipe your debit card……… it’s declined.
I am absolutely sure not only are my ducks not in a row, there are a few missing & a couple are crying their eyes out in the corner where no one notices. I try very hard to be a good person, to be a good Mom and to be a good wife. But with so many expectations put on us by society and those we put upon ourselves there are times when things will fall apart, you will cry, and you will just want to give up. We must remind ourselves that it is OK. We are human and we can only do, care for and take on so much.
I am trying not to fall apart, I have done my fair share of crying lately and life for me mentally has been a struggle. I care for my family, my home, make sure the house is clean, take care of my kids, my husband, the bills, the laundry and make sure everyone has everything that they need every single day. It is a full-time job plus lots of overtime. I love it all and I wouldn’t change it for the world but some days it’s hard.
As a Mom you forget to take time for yourself. You forget to take care of yourself. After a while your giving & caring tank runs dry. Doing & Being everything for everyone is quite frankly exhausting. You forget to ask for help. You forget to put yourself out there next to other Moms so you don’t feel utterly alone in this messy chaotic world. You just want to quit. Even though you know that quitting is not an option. You hide your breakdown, you don’t talk about your worries, and keep all fears or failures tightly tucked inside hoping no one sees your tears streaming down your face. Because you feel like you failed everyone. Even though you know for a fact that you have done the very best that you can do.
You forget that it’s OK to have a breakdown once in a while. It’s OK to cry and lose it for a bit. You can NOT forget that there are people who care about you. It is OK to ask for Help when you need it. It is OK to take time for yourself. You can NOT forget that to the world you are just one woman. But to your children (& husband or S/O if you have one) YOU are their world.