As a bereaved parent I am blessed to have 3 beautiful & healthy Rainbow Babies. My first born baby girl Anna was born still at 39 weeks 5 day gestation. You can read her story here
Definition of Rainbow Baby
“A “rainbow baby” is a baby that is born following a miscarriage or still birth.
In the real world, a beautiful and bright rainbow follows a storm and gives hope of things getting better. The rainbow is more appreciated having just experienced the storm in comparison.
The storm (pregnancy loss) has already happened and nothing can change that experience. Storm-clouds might still be overhead as the family continue to cope with the loss, but something colourful and bright has emerged from the darkness and misery.”
The majority of people have never heard these words in this context and have no idea what it means. Those who have no idea are the lucky ones. I wish no one ever had to join the rarely spoken of Baby Loss Club that I became a member of almost 17 years ago. Our society gets so uncomfortable talking about babies who have died. It is rarely ever spoken about. People just don’t know what to say. Therefore they say nothing at all. If you don’t know what to say, just say “I’m Sorry for your loss”.
Most of the Baby Loss Moms I know love to talk about their journey. There are the few who do not and that is OK. Just ask if they want to talk. I talk to anyone and everyone about Anna and hope to raise awareness for Pregnancy Loss. Teaching people it is OK to talk about our babies who’ve died. Talking about Anna and her story is like therapy for me. Pregnancy loss and Infancy death still happens more than anyone knows still to this day in 2016.
I consider all 3 of my living children my rainbow babies. Because once you lose a baby that is all you can think of and worry about when you get pregnant with another baby. My reality was since my first baby died that meant that that was going to/could happened to the next baby or the next. That gut wrenching feeling was always there with each and every one of my pregnancies. It was a terribly, awfully, horrifically and a never ending fear for me and my husband.
There are no real words to explain all the feelings that come following the days, months and years after losing of your baby. All the hopes and dreams for your sweet baby are gone. You feel unbelievably empty. I believe no one can truly understand unless you have also had a loss. I honestly hope no one else every has too understand. But unfortunately people lose babies quite often & much more than anyone realizes. You never really and truly get through the grief. You learn to live with the heartache and the missing piece of your heart. The pain remains with you for your entire life. There are always holidays, first days, family photos and so many other everyday life happenings that you know and feel that someone is missing. There are so many times throughout your life that you feel the pain of your loss.
Rainbow babies are a wonderful gift but they never ever replace the baby that died. Just because you have another baby the grief and heartache of your do not magically go away. But having another child does give you some light and hope that was swiped away when your other baby died.
We were blessed with another baby girl 8 years after losing Anna. It instantly brought the deep pain of losing Anna to the surface. Now I am beyond grateful and blessed to love, hug, and raise a daughter. But all the new things she did as a baby, toddler, preschooler and does on a daily basis reminds me of what I lost with Anna. K is my gift from heaven and I am very honored and proud to get to me her Mom. K is named after her big sister in heaven and she takes a lot of pride in that. My boys are also an amazing gift. They all are my world.
I explain the feeling of losing a child like this. There is always a empty chair at our table. When I say table I mean the everyday happening of our family. It doesn’t matter what we do or where we go I always feel her absence. I think of her daily. There are always family photos, holidays, and just normal everyday happenings that I wish she could be here to share with us.
I love all my children more than words. So many people say to me if you didn’t lose Anna, then you wouldn’t have Z. You see I am not trading one child for another. I am greedy I want all my children here with me. Happy and Healthy!!
I am so grateful for the time I had with Anna. She taught me so much, made me a better, more loving and compassionate person. We were blessed to get time to hold her, dress her and spend a little bit of time together. But those 8 hours were not enough. I wish we could of had so much more time, a lifetime.
Have you heard of a someone having a Rainbow Baby?
Do you know someone who has suffered a loss?