We all have expectations. We have expectations of ourselves, our family, our co-workers and our friends. It is rarely spoken of because in general we just expect people to do or behave in a certain way for us & or others. It’s great when people meet your expectations. You feel like you can trust or rely on these people. I feel like it also creates a connection & bond when you know someone will be there for you.
- a belief that something will happen or is likely to happen
- a feeling or belief about how successful, good, etc., someone or something will be
When we put expectations on ourselves it can be motivating or frustrating. We expect to fulfill our daily responsibilities. We are expected to love and care for ourselves. We expect others to treat us with love and respect. We expect that we will always keep our promises. We try our hardest to be patient with our spouses, significant others, kids & pets. Most of us expect way more out of ourselves than we can physically or emotionally take on as one person.
We expect our family to always be there for us. When we are successful and when we fail miserably. We surely hope that they’ll be there when we make mistakes and hope they’ll help pick us back up when we fall. We even have expectations for our children. We want them to behave properly, be respectful and be kind to others. We also always want them to do their best in school.
We expect our co-workers to show up everyday, to do their job efficiently & be respectful to us and everyone in the workplace. We hope that they will train us to be successful and help us when we need it. We expect to be treated equally and fairly as everyone else.
We expect our friends to be there for us. We expect that they call or text regularly, spend quality time with us, help us when we need it & support us through good times and bad. We hope that they will listen to our rantings and cheer us on in our triumphs. We hope that they will be kind, caring and present in our life.
Everyone says “Treat others as you want to be treated”.
I have found in my 30 plus years that these words of advice are a load of crap. People have their own lives, their own problems and their own responsibilities, Why do we set ourselves up for disappointment? Why do we expect the same from other as we would we do for them? Why can’t we just be good and do good for others and not expect anything in return. Because it feels good to have someone care, listen, help you out or be there for you.
We are all humans beings who have wants, needs & feelings that we feel other people can, could & should fulfill for us on a daily basis. But so often when we have these outrageously high expectations of people eventually they are going fail somehow/someway. Not because they are terrible people or have evil intentions of hurting us. It is because we are all human and everyone makes mistakes. We all try to do the very best we can for those we love and care about. We even try to be kind and respectful to strangers. But that is also not always reciprocated either.
Life happens. Sometimes you can’t make it to your best friends birthday party, you can’t make it into work or you just forgot to call you Mom when you promised you would. You didn’t plan to disappoint anyone. Your intentions have always been good from the very beginning. But it just didn’t work out like you planned.
Sometimes we need to take a step back and look at what really matters. We need to be more understanding, caring and compassionate. We need to put ourselves out there and expect nothing in return. People are going to disappoint you. It is how you react to the disappointment big or small that can either make peace or dissolve a relationship. If someone truly matters to you forgive and move on.
I found this website.
1. Manage emotion.
This step would be No. 1 when dealing with any difficult and perhaps unexpected life circumstances. You need to experience your emotional reaction to the event. It’s important to let yourself feel so that you can figure out what the event means to you. Don’t be tempted to make any important decisions at this point or even to take action on your feelings. It may be a few hours or a few days before you reach a calmer state of mind; when you do, only then should you act.
2. Don’t take it personally.
So may of us are all too ready to attribute negative life events to our own personal failings. We say that we deserved it, or attracted it to ourselves or were not “good enough” to have a different outcome. The reality is, life will simply do what it does, whether you are there or not. In this instance, you happened to be present during the event, which actually had nothing to do with you.
When you take something personally, it unnecessarily narrows your point of view and prevents the acquiring of wisdom, which is an ability to see life from a deeper, broader, more meaningful perspective. Instead of making it “all about me,” allow yourself to “not know” by reminding yourself: “I don’t know, I don’t know.”
That way you can be available to a real understanding of an event when it arises and not one you just made up for the sake of expedience. You may eventually discover more about yourself and life but not within the time limits you set. Remember just to wait. When it comes to insight, impatience is not your friend.
3. Review expectations.
When you take a good look at your expectations, you will be getting closer to a true understanding of the event. Perhaps your expectations were unrealistic. Perhaps they could be adjusted a little to cope with this new reality. Either way, now is the time to question whether these expectations actually serve you.
4. Take a big picture perspective.
The ability to self-reflect is the essence of good mental health. Take some time to explore what is happening for you around this event – what it means to you and what it has taught you about life. Talking to a therapist, someone who really listens and has your best interests at heart, is useful. It can help you recover, reevaluate, gain insight and clarity that will surprise you and make you feel better.
5. Try again or try another tack.
Having followed these steps, it’s now time to make an important decision about what to do next and how to take action. If you genuinely think it’s possible to succeed by trying again, then by all means have a go. Alternatively, the wisest course of action might be to try another tack. With greater powers of self-reflection, a deeper understanding and newfound resources in dealing effectively with disappointment, you are now more likely to experience success.
I feel that these are some good tips to help you deal with disappointments, how to change your perspective and what you can do differently next time. For me taking things personally is the most difficult. I have always been very sensitive. It reeks havoc on my emotions because most times the situation isn’t personal but I take it to heart and it is difficult for me to let things go. A personal insecurity of mine that I have been working on for awhile.
It all depends on how big or small the situation is & who it was that disappointed you.
Do You set your Expectations Too High for the people you work with, the ones you care about and the people you love??
Have you disappointed someone recently??
Has someone disappointed you?? How did you react?
Can you let things that disappoint you go or does it weigh heavy on your heart for awhile??
Is it easy for you to forgive and move on??