I am a highly sensitive person. My feelings are stronger, deeper and more intense than the average person. I have instincts like a Jedi. I get intense gut feeling about things, people, situations. I can tell you I can’t think of one time that my instincts have ever been wrong. Being highly sensitive in known by many as wearing your heart on your sleeve or being a feeler. I am also an anxious person who worries about every single thing that I do & what happens in every relationship I care & give my all too. When we love, we love with our entire heart,mind and soul. When we care, we will do everything possible to show you how much we care about you. All these people who are apart of our lives that we love and care wholeheartedly. We would do whatever they need before ever thinking of ourselves.
Along with this sensitivity comes a heart that is overfilled with so many emotions and feeling that the even smallest act, phrase or smallest change can break our hearts into a million pieces. The best analogy I can relate this to is an egg. If you treat an egg carefully & gently the egg remains intake and safe. Accidentally bump, crack or drop the egg and everything flows out.
My perception of the world revolves around how people & the environment make me feel. Because of my anxiety, depression and panic. This makes my sensitivity exceed a million times more than I can put into words. I can wear the most convincing mask of smiles and normalcy that you would never know that I am struggling that day or that my feelings are hurt. It is tiring and exhausting but I’d rather know that you think I am normal than to have you ever know my true raw, painful insecurities or real feelings.
The great thing about being highly sensitive is that it makes me… me. I have true compassion for people. I can read people and know how to react to them in a way that makes them comfortable. Most people who know me will tell you I would give you the shirt off my back if you needed it. Because I know what its like to be without. I am also very conscientious about building people up, giving out compliments & showing kindness to everyone and anyone. I know how it feels to be torn down so I always try brighten someones day with a kind word or compliment. I am a good friend because once you and I are friends I do not take that lightly. I will care, love and support you unconditionally with what ever you may need. Even putting your needs before mine.
Relationships are truly very difficult for me. I make a really crappy part time friend because I am either literally all in or I’m out. I usually warn people about that the first time we meet, when & if we click. I have no in between besides acquaintances. But I don’t ever take off my mask for people I don’t know. I need a connection, I need reassurances and I need to feel accepted within my friendships. It is sadly out of my own insecurities. Because I feel these intense feelings because I have a history. A painful one.
I feel so many things it is usually overwhelming for me. I also overthink everything so its like having 12,746 tabs open on your computer. I have thoughts and feelings about every single one all at the same time. I have stuffed so many painful feelings deep within me for so many years that I have become the broken egg. It is not pretty, it down right sucks & it is full of very dark days. It is also extremely emotionally, mentally & physically exhausting. People say they care and tell you they will be there whenever you need them. I believe in their heart of hearts they want to mean that. But reality is that it can not truly be the case. Because every one is busy, has their own responsibilities and are usually dealing with their own problems. But the thought is there so they are trying.
Being Sensitive makes it hard to know who you can rely on to open up and be yourself with. It’s difficult to deal with the the sensitivity and intense emotions. It’s not easy to put yourself out there and be vulnerable. Its hard to take off your mask. The fear of rejection & nonacceptance is a highly likely. Therefore I tend to hide behind a mask of normalcy to look on the outside that everything is fine and all is well with the world. But truly on the inside I get hurt easily by the simplest things, I am always afraid of losing the people I love and care for, and constantly worried that someone will judge me before they truly understand the real, true, honest me. I am highly sensitive but I am also a great friend, great person and a friendly loyal soul. Who happens to be a very sensitive person.