Hello Out There *Knock* *Knock* *Knock* Is this thing on?? No, I have not fallen off the blogging wagon. Check out my photo I added…That’s Me 😉
I am just writing about random thoughts and life. Otherwise I will sit, get anxious and overthink every single thing. When I feel lost I write to clear my head.
I have just been in a deep dark funk and haven’t felt like writing. When actually it is one of the things I truly enjoy!! I keep trying to focus on the things I enjoy and the blessings I have in my life. I have been trying to make myself truly take care of myself. By the way that is really extremely HARD!! I think I may need schooling for this. I have been a Mom for so long I forgot about my needs, what I want and what I like. Which is unhealthy….. I have learned that the hard way. I try my best and give my everything to my family but never give myself, my wants or my needs any thought ever. I love my husband and children beyond all the words in our language, all the stars in the sky and everything I do is for them. I never really gave it a second thought until I started incredibly struggling with my Anxiety, Depression & Eating Disorder. Everyone says take care of yourself.
Honestly, I have no idea How or Where to even begin?!?!
When you suffer from mental illness a lot of people think you are Ungrateful or Not Thankful for who you have in your life, what you have and the blessings of daily life. That is the furthest idea from the truth. I am beyond Grateful & Thankful for everyone and everything in my life. I just don’t put me in that equation. It is all in how I was raised. I had to take care of my narcissistic parent and make sure everything was perfect for that parent. I was not taught that I mattered or that anyone cared about me or my feelings. My mental and emotional bucket was never filled with love or acceptance.
Now as an adult I still just try to always please others. I’m still lacking the skills to care for and about myself. It was never taught to me that I mattered or was worthy of love and care. Most days I still feel this way. I know my husband and children love me. But feeling worthy and being cared for is not something that has ever been a part of my life. Until I met my Best Friend. She does tell me I matter, that she cares about me and that I am worthy of happiness and good health. I love and appreciate her for that.
But I don’t know what to do. I know it sounds stupid but to me my needs, wants and likes do not matter. Everything and everyone else come before me. When, how & where do I begin to love and care about myself. I have no idea.
There has been some negative things that have have happened recently and I just don’t know how to process all those emotions. Instead I have focused my heart, mind & all my energy on my families needs, wants, clean the house, Homeschool the kids, care & love the children, pay the bills, take the kids to all their medical appointments, do mountains of laundry daily, grocery shop, prep and cook meals and I do so much more. I am a Mom that is my job…Right??? I mean I am a Stay At Home Mom. These duties come attached with the job description. I barely have time to even think of me. I am constantly thinking about everyone else. After so many years of just doing what needs to be done I don’t ask for help. I just do. I over do, love and care for everyone but me.
The woes of Motherhood that every Mom knows about but feel like she can’t say. It is the hardest job, the greatest job, the loneliest job but also the most rewarding! It is honestly and truly worth all the love, sweat, care, hard work, hugs, kisses & I love you Mom-s!!! I wouldn’t trade it for the world. No matter what my struggles are I get up everyday and give my 110% for my kids and husband.
As for me, I guess I am a work in progress. I feel lonely. I feel exhausted. I feel overwhelmed. Sometimes honestly I feel like giving up. But I get up everyday because my family needs me. I would do anything for them.
What are some of the ways that you care for yourself??
I can’t be alone in this struggle. Am I??