If I had a quarter for every single time I have been told this in the last 18 years, I would be a very rich lady. Too bad that doesn’t happen. “You’re So Strong. Here is a Quarter” L.O.L
Those words fall so incredibly hard on my heart and mind. I feel like people only see what they want to see. They hear a snippet of any one of the struggles I’ve dealt with, am dealing with or one of the many hardships I have been through. Their instant response is “You’re so Strong”. Usually followed by them telling me how they have no idea how I do it and that they could never live through what I have been through. But you could and can. Because you have no other choice. You wake up everyday and put one foot in front of the other and life keeps moving forward no matter what or how you feel inside.
It is terrible knowing no one really knows or cares about the incredibly difficult mental & physical struggles we fight inside our minds and body to function for our family, to have the courage to do what we know needs to be done everyday and to fight to just get through each day.
Although I would not compare my struggles and incredibly difficult times to other peoples struggles. We all have had our fair share of trauma, health issues, hardship, loss and many heartbreaking times. Our society just doesn’t account for the time it actually takes for us to recover from these battle scars in life. Our society believes in one week or maybe two tops you should be all good. Unfortunately that is just not how us humans work. There is always a process we all go through after any kind of hard knock in life to restore yourself mentally, physically & emotionally. Sometimes it takes a day or two some sometimes it takes a lifetime. But we all need time to get ourselves back up on our feet and brush ourselves off.
I have wish I could say that I feel strong. But honestly that is just not the case. I have recently learned that so many people put on a “Happy Face” just to cover up how they are truly feeling and what they are really struggling with in life. I thought I was the only one who did this. I call it my mask. Lately my mask just takes too much energy for me to even put on. But to my surprise it is very common for many people to hide behind a smile just keeping all your troubles to yourself and keep moving quietly forward. Meeting me; you would never know what my story is and how many hard times I have faced. That I have 4 kids even though you only see 3 with me. I am a bereaved mother. That I was emotionally, mentally and verbally abused as a child and that has wrecked havoc on my mental and emotional state as an adult. I suffer from mental illness. That I have anxiety, depression and panic attacks. That I was abused as a child from a Narcissistic parent who taught me that I will never be good enough, that my feeling aren’t worth any validation, I was never nurtured, loved and cared for unconditionally as every child needs and wants. That what I needed or felt never mattered. That I have battled an eating disorder for almost 20 years because of that abuse with years of highs and lows. This last year being the lowest of lows.
People only see and hear what they want too. It is almost as if they ask but truly don’t care or hear what your answer may be. For me it feels like I’m a plastic bag flying through the breeze that no one cares about but just looks at and then just keeps moving along.
We all say “Hi” & “How are You” all the time but do we ever really look at the person when they respond to us and hear what they are really saying. Do you see the sadness in their eyes, can you hear their authenticity in their response, can you read rather they are just replying with the everyday “Fine” just to be courteous.
Because of my past I have an incredibly strong intuition that tells me how someone is truly feeling. I can read people very well. Weather it is the tone of their voice, their body language or just looking them in the eye when we speak. It is a blessing and a curse to be extremely sensitive and have so much empathy. It can be exhausting but it can also create a real connection with a person which is rare these days. I usually make sure to leave the people I meet even random strangers with a compliment, a smile and wish them a wonderful day. I always try to life people up cause I know what its like to be knocked down.
No, not me.
I am just a person. Who struggles with mental illness to get through each day without tears. Who lies awake every night worrying about anything & everything. Whose past has lost of bumps and bruises. All of which have left scars. You just can’t see them.
I am an anxious, depressed, loving, caring, loyal, empathetic, sensitive, sarcastic, panicky, germ-o-phoebe, lonely, sassy, a loving Mom and a good person. I would do anything for anyone. I put every one else’s needs before mine. I get emotionally attached way to quickly. I am a mother whose “MaMa Bear Instincts” are stronger than anyone wants to, cares to, or should even try to mess with. I will do anything & everything for them. I love them all more than words, care for them every single day in thousands of ways, and I teach them as they grow what they will need to know to be thriving, responsible and respectful adults. I will always protect my kids even when that means I sacrifice my own needs for them. Making sure they get what they get everything they need and deserve in life.
Don’t assume by looking at some one, hearing them say they are fine, or hearing a bit of a story from their past that everything is OK in their world today. Everyone has battles they are struggling with and chapters of their lives they leave out and keep hidden away from people. That person standing next to you in line at the library could of just lost their child. The guy at the gas pump next to you could of just lost his job. The lady trying every single card in her purse to buy a few groceries for her kids may be a single Mom who paid the bills and didn’t have enough money left over for food. Reach out! Care! Help if you can!!
Take the time to hear what some one has to say. You never know. You might just save a life.
Reach out. Show someone you care.
Take care of one another.